Diary of a Random Depressed Cinephile Athiest.

Lately, I have been unable to tell people my true feelings. I write for the website Rotten Tomatoes, I review films, both praise and insult. It's easy for me to write an insult about a really awful peace of shit movie. So I figured that if it was easy for me to insult a movie without remorse, I should be able to blog about my feelings. I hate thinking about things at the moment, I like giving myslef time to think so I am able to give an answer that doesn't make me look like a dumbass. I guess I am going to do a blog like this every friday or whenever I feel depressed just to let off some steam.

It's difficult for me to express myself. Everyday I wake up next to a pompus ass who thinks he is correct about the theology of right or wrong, problem is, he wouldn't even understand what the word theology even means. He constantly smokes marijuana, and insults my mother when she tries to have a conversation with her. He calls her a bitch when she tries to aid him. My mother and faether are very traditional parents, most of their teachings came from their parents and religion, but I see their views differently. I am an athiest, and my entire family is full of Catholics, I am the only athiest in my entire families tree of life, my idealogies are now being viewed dangorously by my family, my friends could give a shit less if I am an athiest or not.

I have ADHD, if you don't know what that is, its Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, if you still do not understand what that is, here is the definition from wikipedia- is a neurobehavioral dvelopmental disorder It is primarily characterized by "the co-existence of attentional problems and with each behavior occurring infrequently alone" and symptoms starting before seven years of age." And it is very difficult for me to even try to study. I lack the ability to study like normal people can, ADHD is the main reason I am fucking awful in Mathematics. I am taking an H. Statistics class, everyone has either an A or a B, while I have an F, its not because I am stupid, its because it is very difficult for me to do all the types of Math that they can do, I can't even remember one formula, and It makes me feel stupid.

I also have Insomnia, if you haven't seen Christophers Nolans' "Insomnia", it is a condition where someone has a large lack of sleep. Lately I have only 3-4 hours of sleep, even on the weekends. So it is also one of the many reasons I myself feel like a dumbass. I try to sleep, I lay on my bed thinking, thinking about things I should be thinking during the day. If I look like a fucking zombie during the day, its because I didn't sleep, and when I think about the things I am thinking at night, I easily forget about them during the day. The Mind is a fucking mystery.

I am a very weird and random person. I do not do anything for attention. In fact, I hate attention. I dislike it when people call me an attention whore, I like to do weird things because it makes me happy, I don't know why it's hard for people to understand that. I do things that immideatly pop up in my head(yes, this damn diary was immidealty popped up in my head the moment I started writing it). My family dislikes the idea of me being wierd, they will never say wether they care or not, but I know in their hearts that they dislike me being random. And its not just my randomness that I know they hate, I can easily tell that they hate my social commentary as well. I have a very different opinion from theirs, I know all people are different, but the way they think, its like they are all robots. I once stated that Mexico could get things done if its citizens didn't have their heads stuck up their asses. What do I mean by that? I mean, Mexicans are very hypocritical, they say that they are family first, yet you go to that country, and you see children smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, driving at a young age, entering into pointless gangs, and the country is still feeling proud of itself. A women once stated that she would rather see children die in agonny than be with a loving family of gays, this women is famous in Mexico, and what she said, is an example of a reason why I said that statement.

My friends, I love my friends, all of them. Just as I love my family, my friends are my family to me. They were their the moment I started feeling depressed. But I feel as though some of them are barely realizing that I am depressed. I know I've been able to bottle up 7 years worth of depression within me, and I know my friends aren't mindreaders. Lately I feel like I have been annoying my friends ti'll the point of death, especially one girl, I feel like disappeaing for a period of time so I could give my friends a brake from the unusualness.

Yeah, I admittingly felt suicidal for the past few weeks, I'm still alive, but sometimes I feel as though people would be happy without me. How do you think I feel after wrighting that? I feel like shit and I feel like crying because I think that.

Why am I still alive if I feel depressed after 7 years? I guess film is the reason why I am still alive. I know its a douchebag thing to say that an object has given me more reason to live rather than my family. But when I see a film, I feel happy, a feeling that people only feel when they either get married, or when they have a new born child.I told my family that I have felt depressed for many years, yet they deny it because I am young. I had to scare them just to make sure they finally realize that I am fucking depressed, and I am very very fucking tired.

When I am awake, I hear this theme every time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SBNCYkSceU If you hear it, you realize that it is earie. If your wondering how I can deal with a theme like that. Its because I just feel somewhat disconnected from people. Even though every person is different, I wonder what is the interest between this new hipster generation. Whats the point of a fashion style? Its eventually going to go out of style, so you are waisting money on something that is possibly going to get out of style very soon? I don't get it.

I have a long life. I hope everything gets better. But when I wake up I know things are just going to get worse. Everyday, life just gets worse. But life is a random event day by day, you have to learn how to deal with it.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I know mine will suck ass, but I hope yours doesn't.
Sincerely, Christian Chavez.

The 10 Best Horror Movies of 2010.

Another year for Horror movies, which means we get allot of shit horror movies. This year we had an interesting collection of horror movies, most of them underrated. So this year I have compiled a list of the 10 Best and 3 worst Horror movies of the year.

Note- I might have to Include some of the movies that I placed "Rotten".

Top 10

10. The Crazies- 2/5 stars(48% approval rating)


Its a remake of Romero's classic film of the same name. This was actually a suprise for me because I originally thought this movie would be awful. While I didn't like this movie, it is still a better remake than most of the crap ass remakes we get yearly.

9. Daybreakers- 2/5 Stars(52% Approval Raiting)


It's loud, it's violent, it's gory(aren't they the same thing?), and its alot better than Twilight. Why? A) The Vampires explode the moment they kill someone or they reach the sun. B) The vampires dont SPARKLE!!! and C) This is probably whats going to happen the moment Edward Cullen realizes he can have all the Twi-Hards on the planet. That means they are going to die.

8. The Wolfman- 3/5 stars(63% Approvel Rating)


While its not the freshest movie this year, it is entertaining, gory, and a pretty good remake to a classic film. What puts this movie on this list is the production design and the makeup design for The Wolfman.

7) REC 2- 3.5/5 Stars( 68% Approval Rating)


Yes, it's one of those "found footage movies" but this was one of the better in that category. It may be shaky, but its completley worth it if you are looking for a creepy time.

6. Pirahna 3D- 3.5/5 stars(70% Approval Raiting)


I never experienced this movie in 3D, but watching this movie as a whole is just disgusting. Plus there is alot of boobs! What more do you want!

5. Predators- 3.5/5 Stars(72% Approval Rating)


Can you consider this a horror movie? Well it is an Action movie, and Aliens is considered one of the best action movies and horror movies of all time, so yes I can consider it a horrror movie, but you can say otherwise! All I know is that I am sticking with my opinion.

4. Paranormal Activity 2- 3.5/5 stars


The first film I considered a suspense thriller, not a horror movie. The Sequal is a horror movie because it adds everything a normal Horror movie requires, tension, jumping scares, and an annoying mexican lady. This movie deliveres.

3. Splice- 4/5 stars(78% Approval Raiting)


This is a complicated film. It basically divides the film community. Thats why it recieved this position in my list, not many movies can do that.

2. Waiting for Superman- 4.5/5 stars(91% Approvel Raiting)


Now your wondering "How did you go from all those movies up there, to Waiting For Superman?"
Well to me, the most important thing you could ever obtaine in your life is a good education, so Waiting for Superman shows that if our planet becomes stupid, we are fucked.

1. Black Swan- 4.5/5 stars( 95% Approval Raiting)


At first, this movie cannot be described as a horror movie. But once you delve deep enough, this movie as a whole is just terrific. The moment this movie frigthens is the moment Nina's(Natalie Portman) life becomes the embodiment of the Black Swan. You cant help but look at the torment she is facing. The make-up desgin is just flawless for this movie. And after watching this, you wont be able to look at another mirror for days.

Now for the 3 Worst of the year

3. Resident Evil: Apocalypse- 1/5 stars(23% Approval Rating)


Wow, what a tured of a video game movie. While it's not as bad as the other 3, the word 3D, ruins any chances for its own survival from criticsm.

2. My Soul to Take- 1/5 stars( 15% Approval Rating)


Wow! Another 3D movie in this list?! Is it proof enough that we don't need anymore 3D horror movies?

1. The Human Centipede- 0.5/5 stars(5% Approval Rating)


When I originally saw this movie, I gave it a 30% approval rating. Thanks to Netflix Instant queue, I rewatched it, and I hated this movie even more! What sets this movie off was the buzz it recieved. Alot of Critics called it disgusting, and somewhat of a game changer. I admit that I found it disgusting the first time I saw it, but then it didn't do anything for me on my second viewing. There's a reason why Black Swan is alot more effective than The Human Centipede. Black Swan has a story that intrigued me, and characters I could care for. The Human Centipede has none of those reasons. It is the worst horror movie of this year.

Love Poem

My heart is filled with Darkness. But everytime I see you, I feel hapiness. My heart wants to tell you that I want to be with you, it tells me “I have grown afraid, but when I did so, I did so restain”. My heart is afraid to ask you. I want to hold you, I want to kiss your lips, feel your skin. But I feel as if I can’t ask you, because I am afraid you will reject me, I am afraid you will shun me back into the darkness. I would love you. I would care for you even until the end of time. So I am going to ask you, will you be my girlfriend?